The Expanding Circle: From Defending Our Borders to Becoming One
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The Expanding Circle
I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one,
but I give myself to it.
— Rainer Maria Rilke, from Widening Circles
What is a circle? In his poem, Rilke writes that we live our lives drawing widening circles that reach out across the world. I began to think that these circles represent the deep connections we forge—between person and person, and between ourselves and the world. This connection might be the bond shared between you, the reader, and me. It could be the silent greeting exchanged between a passerby and the vibrant green leaves dancing in the wind. Or perhaps, it is the act of standing beside someone in pain, holding their hand through their loneliest hours.
The connection I make with my inner self acts as a small, yet resilient and flexible circle. This central circle serves as a solid nucleus when I attempt to expand my boundaries into the outer world. Rilke’s desperate vow—that though he might not complete his last circle, he would surrender his entire being to the act of expanding it—reaches across time and touches my soul. The final circle he so deeply desired to complete continues to expand even after his passing, touching the hearts of countless individuals, including myself, through the timeless vessel of poetry.
In his unfinished circle, I perceive both boundless humility and an indomitable will. There is a limit to what we can achieve solely through our own strength or through the sheer force of our will—especially in terms of pace and distance. Connection, by definition, requires more than one. My connection with my inner self, my connection with you, and the overlap of any circles in this world demand the presence of another existence. Only when a connection born from a chance encounter seeps into our lives and meets our innermost self does the heart truly open. It is like the exact moment a frozen river begins to thaw, the exact moment a tightly shut bud bursts into bloom, or the spectacular moment a rainbow arches across the sky after a heavy rain.
He drew a circle that shut me out—
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
— Edwin Markham, Outwitted
Reading Edwin Markham’s poem alongside Rilke’s invites a deeper contemplation of human connection. Relationships are perhaps the most complex puzzle of our lives. Sometimes, people we encounter will draw a circle to shut us out—with or without reason. They might push us away due to their own hidden histories, dispositions, environments, or simply the hormonal shifts of that specific day. When someone unilaterally rejects us, the resulting sense of offense, accompanied by the wounds of criticism, can leave us feeling hurt and afraid. It can easily brew a storm of resentment and helplessness within us.
Yet, Markham writes that we possess the love and wisdom to win over these tumultuous emotions. This great wisdom is the act of drawing an even larger circle to invite the other person inside—accepting their existence with an open heart. It is about sensing the grander connection that lies just beyond the vortex of our temporary feelings. This does not mean we must unconditionally excuse wrongdoing or passively submit to mistreatment. We must always strive to correct what is wrong and uphold morality, etiquette, and mutual respect. The acceptance I speak of through Markham’s poem is about liberating ourselves from our own emotional whirlpools, thereby gaining the strength and courage to view others, and ultimately the world, exactly as they are.
For many years, I lived experiencing deep unfairness and helplessness in my relationships, shivering in the harsh winter of loneliness. It felt as though no one in the world truly understood me, and I blamed my own fragile, inadequate self, believing I simply wasn't enough. Oh, how tragic and painful it is when we draw a circle to shut our own selves out! The 'me' that was pushed away, left with nowhere to go, learned the art of non-existence. I hid my voice, concealed my expressions, and even stifled my breath, living as though I weren't there at all. Sometimes, we choose this state of near-invisible survival because, at least for the younger version of myself, it was the only coping mechanism I knew. So, I simply worked harder, clinging to the hope that if I pushed through, everything would eventually be fine.
However, the moment I finally reached out my hand to that 'invisible self' and invited her back into her true home—into the sanctuary of my own heart—the genuine freedom and peace I had always craved finally began. Reading Jalaluddin Rumi’s poem, Out Beyond Ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, I realized how deeply captive I had been to my own rigid concepts of judgment.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
— Jalaluddin Rumi, Out Beyond Ideas
Within our minds lies a scale of judgment, calibrated by our personal histories, environments, and core values. We place ourselves and others on this scale, constantly weighing behaviors. The moment we begin calculating who is right and who is wrong, an emotional storm inevitably hits our hearts. Unknowingly, this subconscious weighing and churning can happen multiple times a day. Rumi gently counsels the self that has lost its mind and spirit to this constant evaluation.
Beyond the mental scales of right and wrong, there exists an open field. Rumi wishes to meet us there—not anywhere else, but in that unburdened space. When our souls simply lie down together in that grass, we step out of the emotional whirlpool that threatened to swallow us whole. We begin to see the world, the other person, and ourselves clearly, just as we are. The tightly closed doors of the heart open softly, and tender green shoots bloom within the mind. The world becomes so profoundly full that nothing else is required. Ideas, language, and even the dividing phrase "each other" lose their necessity.
In that field, nothing can trigger a harsh wave in the heart. We focus entirely on feeling the sun-like tranquility and stillness embracing our bodies and minds. I fill myself to the brim with this stillness so that it may radiate softly and warmly outward to those around me and into the wider world. Like the nurturing sun that illuminates all living things with boundless love without judging them right or wrong, we too can illuminate and cradle every soul. We can hold their hands. Is this unconditional love not the 'final circle' that Rilke so desperately yearned for? And practicing this love continuously in our daily lives is how we widen our personal boundaries, allowing individual circles to meet and become One.
To those of us living in this rapidly changing 21st century, these poems ask what truly matters in life. They question what kind of existence we wish to become. They ask whether we can expand our circles with an open heart, inviting others and the world into a larger embrace to accept them as they are. How joyful and grateful we would be if we could achieve this. Every breath we take would shine anew, like a flowing river, a bird's song, or a clear blue sky. As we draw the circles of our lives, we pursue what we want, cross thresholds of inner growth to celebrate what we have won, and ultimately dissolve our boundaries to become one. I deeply hope and dream of days spent celebrating these moments of joy and harmony together, resting in that peaceful, open field.
https://youtu.be/PdMizAY4EGc?si=w6reRzd76ePUafOO
*Photo taken by a friend and an orthodontist at NK Orthodontics, Dr. Nick Kim.
Connection is the heart of our practice. At Double Care Dental in Dacula, GA, we welcome patients of all backgrounds into our expanding circle of care. We'd be honored to be part of your story — reach us at smiles@doublecaredental.com.